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Toddler Separation Anxiety

This photo is licensed under cc by sa 2.0 by Mark and Allegra

Believe it or Not, All That Leg-clinging and Screaming is Normal...

So, if your little munchkin has a hard time saying goodbye when you leave (while it breaks your heart to leave her in that state), it's actually pretty normal behaviour for a toddler.

This is a normal stage of development and is not a toddler behaviour problem, even though a tantrum is often involved when you say "bye-bye, baby".

Unfortunately toddler separation anxiety is sometimes mistaken as a behaviour problem, or bad behaviour. At its worst, separation anxiety will involve lots of crying, screaming, gripping, clinging, and even full-blown tantrums.

Since almost all toddlers experience this toddler separation anxiety, then it certainly cannot be called bad behaviour.

Try to look at it from your toddler's perspective - every time you leave, whether it's to go to work for the day, to the dentist, for just a couple of minutes to get some milk from the corner shop, or even just to another room in the house - your toddler is probably thinking: 'Where is mummy? Is she coming back?'

Out of Sight is Not Out of Mind...

Toddlers do not yet understand the idea that out of sight does not necessarily mean you're not there - she just can't see you because you're in another part of the house.

To her, being out of her sight means you have left her, abandoned her. And she's worried you won't come back!

Toddlers also do not have a firm understanding of the concept of time. When you leave, you're gone and that's that - she has no idea when you're coming back.

Problems with separation are one of the hallmarks of toddlerhood. Your toddler is probably constantly checking to see if you're still around, and this includes at night. One of the reasons for night-waking is a way of your toddler reassuring herself that she is safe and secure.

She feels that she always need to be near you because she feels most secure when she's with you. You are her 'home base'.

My younger daughter, a cute little munchkin going on three, has (in the past couple of weeks especially) been waking up in the middle of the night, climbing out of bed and pulling me out of mine - just because she wants a cuddle.

I suspect this has something to do with the fact that we recently moved into our new home and she started potty-training not long after; a sequence of events which has probably been a bit too much for her to handle.

This leads me to my next point concerning toddler separation anxiety and night-waking.

When life has become a little stressful for your tot because a major change has occurred such as moving house, starting childcare, or a family split, your toddler may wake during the night to make sure that there haven't been any more changes while she's been asleep!

Good, You're Still Here - I Can Go Back to Sleep Now...

Toddlers are creatures of great change, yet they do not like change. Say what?

When my younger daughter was born, my older daughter (who was a terrific two-and-a-half year old toddler at the time) decided to crank up her already extreme separation anxiety to an all-time high.

It is sometimes easy to forget that our little ones have feelings that can be affected by major life events.

Here are some suggestions to help ease toddler separation anxiety: -

Remember that you cannot make toddler separation anxiety disappear (it will go away in its own time), however you can support, encourage, and help your toddler to cope with it by giving her plenty of attention when you are with her.

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